just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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