She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize