they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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