Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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