yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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