Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
