I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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