Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
