I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
