You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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