Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
