I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
