you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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