I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
