I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
