I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
