i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
