I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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