new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
