i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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