Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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