I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
