i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Pooping to opera.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
