when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He has the fingertips of a God
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