they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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