I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
