Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
