Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
