Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
