somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
