I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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