I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
