When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
