alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
