Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
