But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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