I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
