No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
