Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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