you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
