apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
