my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
