I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
