Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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