So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
