Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I cut my penus on the lid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
