Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
