He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
