I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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