Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
