Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
