I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize