I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
