ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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