Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
