The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize