even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
