We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
