I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
