I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Is Oprah even human
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
