Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
