she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
