If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
