I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
