sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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