I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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