That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
