he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
