I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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