i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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