he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
