i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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